I was looking through music videos on YouTube to see if I could find something that would “fit” with what I am going through. I am in this mixed space where I am experiencing disappointment, resilience, excitement, motivation, and frustration. I am having adult growing pains. I am on the edge of living my best life, and being chased by my biggest fears. I didn’t know if I wanted an inspirational, upbeat song, or something that expressed a small amount of defeat. Then, this song found me:
First of all, people dancing unapologetically… Yes, Please! Second, “say what you want to say, and let the words fall out” Amen! I am in a time where I must be brave. I want to be brave enough to know life will work out. It will work out so that I keep living and loving and dancing unapologetically. Life working out does not mean rainbows, butterflies, and unicorns. For me, it is all about survival and being all in. Whether I am surviving cancer, anxiety, or depression, I keep going. While I feel the pain rather intensely, it is nothing compared to how I get to experience joy and triumph.
So, I tend to narrate my life. I am expressive and out loud about most things that happen. I am extremely hyperbolic with my words. If I have a headache, I have “a dull stick stabbing my eyeball into my brain”. If I am excited about something, I am “doing backflips and high-fiving the entire world”. This is who I am. I am not very subtle. I don’t keep much to myself. I get really hurt if I feel misunderstood… so everyone else who does “understand me” gets to hear about it for hours. Whenever people say, “who cares?” I have to admit that I do.
Here’s how this all comes together. I have to dig deep, be brave, not care so much, and dance my imperfect little self silly. My growing pains are about self-acceptance, and pushing through doubt. Now is my time to stop apologizing, and reclaim the space I keep giving to others because I somehow think I don’t deserve it.
This week, remember to dance your heart out, say what you want to say, and be brave. You can be amazing!